You make me smile uncontrollably and uncharacteristically. It's familiar like a black cat, but not so familiar it doesn't feel like witchcraft. These aren't quiet smiles. We get real introspective come November. Just know how much it means to me to lose myself just a little.

WANING

Nights are getting longer.

Moon left the sky.

Back home, backbone. Some trade.

There's no one there I'm dying to see.

Full Moon Muse

I’m just … acutely aware of how hollow a human I am. Even my behavior is just … a decent emulation of characters from movies or books. I learned social skills from a television set.

Over-analysis has yielded me good results; historically ................... I’m lying through my teeth here. A cursory glance backwards and I’m certain every good thing I ever did was impulsive.

I realize that nobody is in control of anything, not even their own mind … just their impulses … who am I to cut the last string and be impulsive? Earlier I had an impulse to punch a glass window and smash a guy’s trachea. They all seem to be negative impulses.

Met a girl. The right music, books, movies, looks. The right attitude. An attitude. But not a bitchy one. So nice to be around. I find myself doing nice things for no reason. It's even possible to bond as humans and not objectify, act like myself, act like a real human myself. Two humans. None of the cliches.

She ain't single. (At least, I don't think she is.)

They never are, are they?

And I sit around, my left brain debating my right. Force the issue, make a move, sabotage, manipulate. Do whatever it takes. Time's slipping by. No guts no glory, all's fair. But that's what you do to objects not other humans. Fuck my life ... I respect another human for once.

It's the full moon. All week basically, we're a few days deep and it'll wane soon.

I never feel like I've lost control on full moons. But this month I do.

Anti-Brainwashing

Testing ...

Alien brain-gorgers are feeding on my neural network! Furious creatures from far-flung realms are invading my personal psychosis and branding their own patented forms of proprietary trademarks onto my very soul!

And I'll absorb them all willingly into my mind personified! For I am the black hole at the center of creation and any and all external stimuli that drifts into my sphere of influence will be dragged kicking and screaming past the ring of light that is my halo, through my event horizon and into my personal singularity to be used forever more as MINE.

Yes, I think I shall like blogging here, if I can remember to do it at all.